My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize