Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
