Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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