I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
