remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize