If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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