It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
