just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
