Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
