We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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