I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
