my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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