FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
