They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
