Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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