i may or may not be watching the land before time
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize