is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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