you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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