i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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