Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
