Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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