Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
