It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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