You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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