She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
