Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
