the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
