i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
