You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
