dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
