In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
