trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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