??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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