The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We are two peas in an std pod
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
