Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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