Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did i walk over a car last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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