now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
