Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
