I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
