She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
