I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
