I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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