is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
