Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
