I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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