Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
