just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
