haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
