I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had to cum in my sink.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
