you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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