Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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