Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
