Me too!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
