New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
