At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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