Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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