it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
