based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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