friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wear drunk well.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
