Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
