You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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