im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
not ubering you a puppy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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