the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
