Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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