Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize