Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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