she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
