Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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