I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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