I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
