i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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