There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
