Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
