I can tuck mytits in my pants
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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