You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
