I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
